A Time To Hate

There are things about my life that make me so immensely happy I can’t even describe them properly—despite the number of adjectives and adverbs I line up trying to make my explanations adequate.

And then there are the things I hate. I hate getting up in the morning before 11 a.m. Even if my job was unicorn caretaker or bouncy-house tester I would still hate waking up every morning. I hate cleaning house and washing dishes and scrubbing shower walls. I hate having to wait until payday to go grocery shopping because I have exactly $17.29 in my checking account.

I hate that the only things in our fridge are dry carrots, cheese, and 40 kinds of salad dressing. I hate that I have so many clothes and I can never get rid of enough to make a dent in my over-stuffed closet (and dresser and armoire and under-the-bed drawers)—yeah, it’s a lot of clothes.

I try not to spend much time dwelling on just how centipede-infested our apartment is, or what that sticky stuff is on the floor behind the toilet. But sometimes it helps. It’s a good purge to just out all the bad things and stare them in the face. Every one of these “problems” is so very first world (seriously, too many clothes? What kind of problem is that?) But acknowledging that I do hate things—and have the control to change many of them—is powerful.

Someday I will get up to swim at 6 a.m. (no really, I’ve been planning to start going for a few months now—someone join me and I might actually set an alarm…or buy a new swimsuit).

Someday I will do a better job of cleaning our house, even that elusive behind-the-toilet black hole where dreams go to die.

Someday I will keep our fridge and cupboards properly stocked (that is, when we actually HAVE cupboards, not just a broken bookcase—oh yeah, p.s. I hate my kitchen).

Someday I will get rid of a huge mountain of clothes and only keep what makes me feel awesome when I wear it.

Someday I will have more than $17 in the bank the day before I get paid.

And maybe I will accomplish some of these things today.