Some Stream of Consciousness

I hit a low point last night. Like, really low. I was eating frosting out of a can with a spoon.

It's been a rough few weeks. The last time I felt healthy was Oct. 9, and everything has just spiraled out of control since then. Weird cold/flu haunted me for over a week, and eventually led to a bladder infection. The infection was "treated" with antibiotics that caused a yeast infection. And of course, all of this came to a head while I was attempting to coach a state volleyball tournament--where my setter was out after an emergency appendectomy and my all-conference outside hitter was suffering from fluid on her knee. These were bad circumstances, but no excuse. I was not a good coach. I wasn't healthy, but more than that, I was distracted, and I was off my game. I was anxious about other personal things, and the stress was only making me physically sicker. I needed the season to end, because I need the big change that comes with that. I need some time away. I wish I would have recognized my shortcomings earlier, and I wish I had been a better coach for them that weekend. I still feel badly about how I handled everything.

I somehow talked Brett into doing Jillian's 30-Day Shred, since he wanted to get in shape before he started coaching. And in a moment of what I can only describe as memory loss, I agreed to do it with him. Since I was sick so much, I only did four days of level one, but rejoined him yesterday for level two. That was a mistake.

It's almost winter, snow is threatening. Halloween is on Thursday, and I promised the kids we'd hand out candy if they come trick-or-treating. 

Thanksgiving is closing in quickly. I wish we'd put our outdoor Christmas lights up already. It's getting cold, and I'm losing motivation to stand outside. We were ambitious last year, getting it done early. But we were so excited to have a house of our own, and I guess some of that has worn off. We still haven't done a thing to our cabinets. They're lying in the basement with a single coat of stain on about half of them...maybe once dad retires?

I need to return to writing my play if I have any hope of finishing it. I'm 60 pages in, stuck in a corner, and unsure of where to go next. I want to finish it...I just really don't know how. The kids are excited about it. Maybe I shouldn't have told them--but I was hoping they're excitement would motivate me to write. So far, no luck there.

I want to make applesauce tonight, but I have no motivation to cut up all those apples.

I had an existential crisis earlier today when I couldn't figure out how to spell "graham crackers."

I finally bought a mustard cardigan. It's everything I dreamed it would be. I wear it constantly.

We had a staff potluck yesterday where I had maybe the best cake of my entire life.

We also watched cat videos on Youtube during our potluck. Sometimes I love my job.

I admit, I use this blog as a place to complain. But it's my blog. You are not required to come here. I do not, however, use Facebook as a place to complain. Because you have to see that, even if you don't want to. All that to set up this. My thoughts on people who complain CONSTANTLY on Facebook: