Friday Snark

I’m feeling a little snarky today. So I'm going to vent about a few comments I seem to get all the time that annoy me.

One comment I seem to be getting more and more (three times today, in fact) is about my job. We had a group of high schoolers walk around our offices today so they could see what a nonprofit workplace looks like (there were three groups of about six kids, which is why I got the same comment multiple times, once from each group). My boss explained to them who I was and asked me to share what I do. Since I was working on a marketing postcard, I showed them, and said I was our Communications Coordinator. I do all of the writing, editing, marketing, and designing. And of course, as always, someone pipes up, “Oh, so like Mad Men.” Yes, exactly like Mad Men. Can’t you see the scotch on the small table in my cubicle?

And the number one comment that’s been driving me crazy is, “You don’t have kids—what do you do all day?” I know, it’s shocking that I’ve hit the ripe old age of 24 and I still haven’t birthed a litter yet. I mean, what am I doing with myself? Don’t I know that I should let my house be overrun by primary-colored plastic and baby puke? The sad part is, my real friends, my close friends who know me well, never ask me what I do all day. It's just the people who want to make me feel bad about my life.

Of course, I always answer nicely—things like, well I’m able to work at a job I love, I coach, I direct plays, I sleep as much as I want, I watch whatever I want to on TV, I work out, I take trips, I go to movies, I hang out with friends…but the short answer, the one I really want to say, is I DO WHATEVER I WANT. I do absolutely anything (or nothing!) I feel like doing—Walmart at 3:00 a.m.? Don’t mind if I do. Midnight movie premier on a Thursday, why not? I grocery shop—alone. I take walks. I walk aimlessly through stores for no reason at all. I sit on the couch and watch Netflix for five straight hours and don't even feel guilty about it. That oh-so-coveted “me time” moms are always pining for—I have that. I have oodles of that. Every moment of every day is “me time.”

In one of my favorite sitcoms, Rules of Engagement, there’s a wonderfully funny line, especially quipped in David Spade’s sarcastic deadpan. He's talking to his friends, one engaged and one married, who are giving him a hard time about being single. However, it applies beautifully to not having children as well. He says, ''I am a little bit jealous, you're right. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go do whatever I feel like doing, all the time.''

And then there’s this shared look between his friends, who realize, oh yeah, remember when we could do whatever we wanted, all the time.  

THAT is exactly what I do all day.