I am currently on a mission of change. I haven’t been myself lately. Though I can hardly remember a time when I haven’t been far too busy and constantly overcommitted, I think it’s catching up to me. Or as an adult, I can finally see how I tend to lose myself in what I’m doing.
Lately, I have too many foggy moments of what am I really doing? I’m acting out all the scenes of my life, but I’m not really living. I caught myself during volleyball warm-ups before a game mindlessly filling out my girls’ lineup. 15c, 1, 2, 11, 20, 12…and then I looked up. Warm-ups were almost over, the clock read 4:30. Where had my day gone? What had I accomplished? And every day, the same thing. Am I doing anything that matters?
And of course the other things—feeling out of shape after demonstrating a spike approach more than twice in a row; Brett commenting how much Beef reminded him of me when I was in high school and thinking I was never that small…was I? and realizing I was that small until about a year ago; and of course, the sleeping Bible incident, which is its own story: I never really realized how many weird things I did in my sleep until I had roommates. Occasionally when I was younger, my parents would come in my room if I was talking loudly or making noise, but it wasn’t often—especially after I moved downstairs. But in college, my roommates constantly accused me talking, crying, laughing, screaming, sitting up, etc. while sleeping. And lately, it’s gotten worse. Or so Brett insists. A few weeks ago, I allegedly (as claimed by Brett, the only confirming evidence is a backwards Bible, a moved Daily Bread book, and my feeling like a had a dream about my Bible) sat up in bed, moved the Daily Bread from on top of my Bible onto Brett’s pillow—waking him up—and then removed my Bible from its plastic case. I then opened the Bible, scanned a few passages, shut it, and returned it to its case (which is actually kind of hard when I’m awake, so apparently I’m more skilled while unconscious). Then lay back down and returned to sleeping. It freaked Brett out.
More so, it caused me to reflect. While I’m not taking too much from this incident—I’ve also woken up with full-sentence text messages typed on my phone—it did make me wonder. I haven’t been faithfully reading my Bible like I should—do I need to be so much that my mind is doing it in its sleep? Even if the act was nothing more than some weird misfiring brain synapses, it reminded me that that Bible needs to come out of its case a whole lot more—while I’m conscious.
And so the path to self-betterment. Reading my Bible more, getting in shape, eating healthier, enjoying the small things, and reading and writing more.
Eating healthy and being skinny have been a full-out war these last few years. Of course, the vain girl inside of me wishes I looked like I did when I was 17 and a 3-sport athlete. The adult in me wants to enjoy life—not stress out about every dessert. Eat an entire large pizza with Brett every Friday night. Cherish the time I have with my friends and family instead of worrying about not getting my run in our eating too many calories.
I’ve been reading some fabulous blogs lately which have inspired me greatly. Which leads me to my next task: reading and writing. I’m at my happiest when I’m creative. And while I love coaching, I will be happy to have some time to myself to read and write. I’ve been flat lately—uninspired. And it’s time to find that creative place again.
And so I’m working on balance (which clearly I haven’t mastered, as this blog post grows painfully long). I’m going to write something every day. Even if it’s messy and ugly and broken. I’m going to read my Bible. I’m going to exercise and eat healthier—but I’m not sacrificing my family time or the occasional dessert.
These are my resolutions. I don’t want to wait until New Year’s. So feel free to ask me about these things. Harass me and challenge me to meet these goals.
Let’s go running together. And then we can share a pizza.
No comments:
Post a Comment